What Would Anne Frank Do?

As we were waiting in line in front of the Anne Frank Museum house, a boat of ten women on some sort of bacholerette party or an escape-from-our-husbands weekend trip floated by as they danced to "Copacabana" by Barry Manilow blasting on the stereo. Another boat with college boys went past. For reasons unknown, one of the guys had a clown wig on.

Juxtaposition.

I quietly hummed that Manilow song as I walked through the cramped hiding spaces.

Caught Shoplifting at the Wal-Mart

Of all the places to practice my sleight-of-hand movements, Wal-Mart would not be on the top of my list. I’ve resisted the temptation at the Apple Store, Toys-R-Us, and Old Navy. Don’t misunderstand me: I’m good enough to steal if I really wanted to. Card tricks and larceny are close cousins because they both involve misdirection (I’ll leave out the details of the time my brother David and I were caught stealing Star Wars guys at Zayre, the offense that had my mother forcing us on our knees reciting Hail Marys and Our Fathers to avoid eternal damnation). No criminal behavior for me, and I limited my powers to actions that end with the phrase, “Is this your card?” So to be accused of a crime I didn’t commit chaps me.

Kristie and I have been riding around on our bikes. Wiesbaden is a great biking city, and we are learning our way around. However, we do not have a bike lock here because our house shipment still has not arrived. We decided to go to the German Wal-Mart to buy one. Kristie stayed outside with the bikes and I went in. While in the bike aisle, I bought a front light for Kristie’s bike, as it is the law here to have a light on both sides of the bike. The very unhappy cashier checked me out and handed me my goods (I remember the clerks in the stateside Wal-Marts to be a bit more chipper). I asked her if she had scissors to cut the binding on the lock so we can use it. She looked at me strangely, and said no. I said goodbye in german (one of the ten phrases I know), and put them in my backpack and left. Outside, we locked the bikes and went back inside so Kristie could see what it looks like in the store. She bought a few things, and we checked out again, this time to a different clerk. As we left the checkstand, Kristie set off the alarm. Our clerk made Kristie remove the bag and go through again, and realized it was something in the bag. We removed the light and receipt, and showed her. She looked skeptical. She called the first clerk on the phone (her name was on the receipt) and asked, what I can assume to be something like:

“Did you sell this guy a bike light?”
“Who?”
“Him. This guy in tight bike shorts and helmet hair.” (At this point, I waved to her sitting three aisles away. Surely my cheesy grin would resurrect her memory.)
“No!”
“OK, thanks for your help. He is a filthy American thief.”

Our clerk turns to me, takes the light and receipt, and calls the manager. She has us wait to the side. The manager comes and those two get in a rapid discussion of my crime. I am helpless. He says that he doesn’t speak much english, so we go to another person. They talk and decide that we are free to go. I was angry, and wanted to lodge a complaint about the rudeness of that woman. Unfortunately, I didn’t know the german word for 1.) Rudeness 2.) Complaint 3.) Lodge. The best I could do is say, “Das voman ist bad” (using my heavily stereotyped accent). He said, “Yes, she is stressed.”

I realize right now that bad in german means water or pool. Hardly the insult that I was looking for.

Can the Size of One's Language Be Measured?

Earlier today, I tried to ask one of the gate guards a question about the whereabouts of an office on base. He smiled and said, “I’m sorry, my english is very small.”

My First German Conversation

I’m sitting at a cafe in the downtown area. I’ve just had my first conversation in German. Here it is:

(waitress approaches)

Me: Guten Tag.
Her: Hallo.
Me: Ein cappuccino, bitte.
Her: Ja.
Me: Danke.

(waitress leaves)

It’s 7 pm, and a bit late for an espresso drink. However, my german cannot grasp how to order a decaf double short latte. I’ll be up all night, so at least I’ll have the time to learn it.

Arriving in Wiesbaden

On the way here, some kid on the plane from Portland to Chicago spilled peanut butter sauce on my pants. I tried to scrub it off in the teeny bathroom, but it only made it look MORE like I peed in my pants.

On the long flight from Chicago to Frankfurt, I was in Business Class, the place without awkward teenagers and peanut butter. There was an anomaly there, though. All three of the flight attendants were men. It wasn’t a bad thing, just something worth noticing. One of the men looked exactly like one of my Bible professors at Multnomah Bible College, Rex Koivisto. I kept thinking that he would ask me who Habakkuk was or what happened to Joshua’s missing day in order to get a refill on my coffee.

After a quick entry in the European Union [sidenote: why is it so much more difficult to enter Korea than the EU? Those Korea immigration guards looked at me and my papers up and down as though I was trying to live a lifelong dream of sneaking into the country unnoticed. Those EU guards flipped through my passport as if it was one of those cartoons of a dog running, and handed it back with a smile.], I checked into my hotel, and had my first meal in the downtown plaza in Wiesbaden. First meal: Hefeweizen and chicken pho at a Vietnamese place. Perhaps I can’t run from Asia as quickly as I thought. Or hoped.

Goodbye Korea

It’s done. We have left Korea and are now spending five hours in Tokyo before jumping on a flight to Seattle. I cannot use adjectives like “bittersweet” or “sad” or “heavy-hearted” to describe my feelings. I have only one descriptor for that feeling: intense joy (or does that count as two?).

Of course, we have enjoyed our last two years, but it was in spite of Korea, not because of it. We’ve done considerable traveling from there, had the experience of teaching overseas, and even met some good friends. But, there is nothing about Korea itself that I’ll miss. The food doesn’t agree with me, there is little variety in historical sights, the people do not seem overly friendly to tourists, and it’s too hot and too cold. All the men in Songtan have a spitting habit (complete with the full throat-clearing cacophony a ten-year-old does to annoy his sister). There is little green space. The air carries the constant scent of sewage. There are too many cell phones and taxis and scooters. Korea is named “the land of the morning calm,” but I’m still not sure why. Tell that to the people who shout into their phones or play Korean-techno music outside of our bedroom at 2 am. It’s more like the land of mourning the calm.

We’ll still have connections to Korea. I accidently let the movers pack my landlord’s DSL modem in my shipment. So, we’ll always have that tie.

For fun, you may want to revisit that first blog entry I wrote on the plane coming to Korea almost two years ago.

Anniversary

Yesterday was our seventh anniversary, and we celebrated with a mediocre meal at an italian restaurant. Koreans just can’t get italian food right.

Aslan’s birthday is on the same day as our anniversary. She’s six, 42 in dog years. She spend the night at home licking herself.

Moving to Germany

I mentioned in my last post that I applied for a position in Wiesbaden, Germany. I found out on Friday that I got the job. Kristie and I are very excited about his new prospect. It's a job in the Europe Area office working with Language Arts curriculum for all the schools in Europe, and it will entail traveling to schools and meeting with teachers. While this is not an administration position, I will be out of the classroom. I was a bit sad about that, until I started the think about angry parents, grades, essay grading, etc. It all started to feel pretty good after that!

The best news of all is that we will be living in Europe, the main reason why we joined DoDDS in the first place. We are looking forward to all the new traveling that is before us. And, now that we'll be living in a locale that is more appealing, perhaps we can warrant a visit from friends. Start thinking about it.

The downside of accepting this job is that it starts earlier. We'll leave Portland to go to Germany on July 30. This, along with my workshop in D.C. in June, cuts down on the summer.

We have a few questions for you Portlanders to help us this summer:

1. Do you know of a place to rent in Portland from July 1 - 30? Perhaps someone from school or church needs a house-sitter, or is between rental contracts?

2. We are looking to borrow/rent/buy a car for those same dates. Any possibilities?

3. We also may need short-term housing for Aslan as we are trying to get her to Germany. (We are even considering leaving her in the States this upcoming school year to see what the work travel load is like, but I'm sad even thinking about it).

I know this may be a lot to ask, but please keep your ears opened for us. We'd sure appreciate it.

I'm going this week to make flight plans. When I have the exact dates, I'll let you know. I hope that we can see each other this summer. For you Rhode Islanders, I'll be there from July 1-7.

Looking forward to seeing you all.

Waiting

Kristie and I had our morning lattes on our porch yesterday as we listened to a Korean version of “YMCA” piped through street speakers. Are the Village People finally catching on in Songtan, South Korea?

Two months since I last wrote. Here’s a run-down:

1. Applied for a job transfer to Europe.
2. Did not get a job transfer to Europe.
3. Went to Hanoi, Vietnam.
4. Applied for a job with the Europe education office.
5. Still waiting.

Riding Like Tom

I finally got back on my bicycle yesterday for a twenty-mile ride. Ignoring the saddle sore, I got back on today for another twenty. Korea is not conducive to road bikes (or mountain bikes, or cars, or people, etc.), so I find that the best riding is around the flight line on base. There’s nothing like riding with F-16s and the U-2 taking off as you pass a dozen Patriot missiles aimed towards North Korea. I feel like Tom Cruise in Top Gun, only without the motorcycle or the leather.

Four weeks from today is when Kristie and I will be on a plane headed towards Seattle. We have to wait to hear about that job to see if Aslan will be joining us.

I’m listening to “Clap Your Hands and Say Yeah” right now. I’m teaching The Catcher in the Rye this week. There is no connection.

I’m trying to only put one space after periods, since that is now the correct way. It’s difficult, and I challenge you to try it.

Michael Bolton's Burning

Yet another reason why I’m ready to leave Korea.

Michael Bolton Concert
Sejong Center for the Performing Arts
March 31 - April 1
A concert of Michael Bolton, two-times Grammy and five-times American Music Award winner, will take place in Seoul for the first time. He sells over 50 million albums over the world and is referred as to the icon of blue-eyed soul. He will burn the floor of the Sejong Center for the Performing Arts with many hit songs of his regular and irregular albums. Tickets are priced from 88,000 won to 198,000 won. For information, call 1588-7890.

Strange Entries from Vietnam

I am looking into a second Vietnam trip for Spring Break next month. We loved Saigon, and now we are considering Hanoi in the north. I am looking on various forums from travelers, and here are a few strange ones.

Girl I Left Behind
nightflier1348 - 03:15pm Jun 8, 2005 EST
Seeking DEAF girl I met In Saigon in June 1974. May have american child born in 1975.I am 57.She 50-57 years old.Neal Mikkelson 83 Woodland, Plano, ILLINOIS,U.S.A.60545

(I’m sure that the deaf girl is real eager to see you, too, Neal. She probably has a few choice words for you.)

No Cell Phones Please
Hey, I am looking for a place I can go that is out of cell phone range. You see, I have found that the microwaves from cell phone towers make me sick - so I want to find a place I can go where they can't use them. Anyone know of any places in SOUTH-EAST ASIA that is out of range. A nice secluded island would be nice.
(perhaps you could travel to the living room of our old house...no reception at all)

Tulico train offer comfortable, air-conditioned soft sleepers. While this is not a luxurious train, it offers good alternative transportation to Sa Pa from Ha Noi. It has soft sleepers, A/C and clean four-berth cabins. You will be provided with one bottle of water, a small snack and a napkin.
(wow...a napkin!)

Cambodia, Laos, Myanmar, Vietnam
Hi
Cambodia, Laos, Myanmar, Vietnam what's the best?
what must I see in one mouth?
Thanks
Olá
(is this from a traveling dentist?)

Dickie Whacker?
Has anybody met a crazy curly haired middle age American who calls himself Dicky Whacker? We met him in Laos but I think he's been all over the place?
Does anybody know if he was a compulsive liar, or was he really once the personal masseur to Ronald Reagan?
(seriously, does it even matter?)

The size of my Dong
I'm arriving in Saigon on a Saturday afternoon, apparently after the banks close. Where's the best place to change travellers cheques in the Dong Khoi area on a weekend?
Also, my TCs are $100 denominations. That's a huge wad when converted into Dong, right? Will it too big for my wallet? Thanks.
(A joke that was waiting to be told)

Snow Day in Korea

Finally, after eighteen months of teaching in Korea, I had a snow day. By what I read before coming here, I assumed that they were doling out snow days at the immigration counter to every teacher that passed by. I saw pictures from the Korean War, and the soldiers were always covered with patches of the stuff. However, we endured two cold winters without much snow. Until last night. And it was one of those surprise days off. I had no idea that it had snowed when the phone rang at 5 am. I thought it was Kristie, since she was touching down in Seattle around the same time. No, it was the gym teacher bearing that great news of unspeakable joy.

As I referenced, Kristie left for a short visit to Seattle and Portland yesterday. I already miss having her here. I cooked chicken on the barbecue on our patio for dinner. We had a pack in the refrigerator, and I cooked it all at once. There are few things as lonely as cooking five chicken breasts on a propane grill in the cold for yourself. Those breasts were mocking my solitude, I could sense it.




I just looked outside and it is snowing again. I hope the gym teacher calls again.

Embassies torched in cartoon fury

Danish, Norwegian embassies in Syria attacked by Muslims

Why isn’t the world addressing the foolishness of this? Imagine what the reaction would be if Christians were burning down embassies in protest over a comic Jesus appearing in the latest episode of “Family Guy.”

Islam and Violence

Muslim fury over a cartoon? Violence over satirizing the connection between teaching of Islam and violence? I’m sure the irony is lost. Unlike the rhetoric we hear in the news, Islam is not by nature a peaceful religion. It is not just a “small sect of extremists.” Rather, there is a link between the religion and the permissive nature toward violence to protect Mohammed's name and teaching. It is in a different category than Christianity, Hinduism, and Buddhism in that its leaders advocate and endorse violence in the name of Allah. There is not a word for jihad in the other three religions.

You have already interjected the oft-use question, “What about the Crusades?” Need I remind you that bringing up the Crusades is for another argument? We’d have to compare the Crusades of the Catholic church with the actions of Muslims 800 years ago. We cannot compare the Crusades with modern-day actions of Muslims. Look at the actions and teachings of Christians today with the actions and teachings of Islam today. Jesus teaches us to turn the other cheek. The Buddha tells us that all life is sacred. Currently, there is violence in the Muslim world because a Danish newspaper published a cartoon.

Think of how many times the name of Jesus is blasphemed each day. “Jesus Christ” or “Jesus f-ing Christ” are phrases we hear from movies, friends, and songs. Can you imagine if the Christians rose up and attacked a co-worker because of this? It would be as ridiculous as Muslims rioting because a non-Muslim published a picture with a bomb in Mohammed's turban. If Islam was a religion of peace, would this be happening? It’s strange how on one hand Americans are rabid for free speech; on the other, they are so careful to not offend Muslims and their “peaceful religion.”

Setting aside the war on Iraq, look around the world for the hotspots of violence. What is the religion of the area? I know it is a logical fallacy to say that all Muslims are violent people; at the same time, it would be incorrect to say that there is not connection whatsoever between the religion and a proclivity toward violence.

Here’s a small recap that I copied from CNN:
1989: Iranian spiritual leader Ayatollah Khomeini calls on Muslims to kill British author Salman Rushdie for alleged blasphemy in his book The Satanic Verses
2002: Nigerian journalist Isioma Daniel's article about Prophet and Miss World contestants sparks deadly riots
2004: Dutch film maker Theo van Gogh killed after release of his documentary about violence against Muslim women
2005: London's Tate Britain museum cancels plans to display sculpture by John Latham for fear of offending Muslims after July bombings


I’m sure all of these are just strange coincidences.

Death of a Beard

One of the best parts of growing a beard is shaving a beard. You can do fun things as if my face were a Play-Dough head. Needless to say, this stayed for only about ten hours.

Happy New Year

Please ignore the crickets and cobwebs. I am attempting to move this blog to another server to make it easier to post pictures. More updates coming.

Today is the Chinese (Lunar) New Year. It is the Year of the Dog. Aslan is especially happy. Finally, an entire year just for her. She is still getting kibble for supper, though.

Kierkegaard’s Elephant

I’m at Starbucks at 7:30 in the morning.

I arrived in Chang Mai with a wicked cold. We unpacked, walked around a bit, and then I went to bed. I thought it was going away, but I’m still hacking and sniffling like I was a suspicious addict. Today’s Friday, and there are no signs of clarity on the horizon.

Kristie and I both like this city in northern Thailand much better than Bangkok. It has a university-city feel. Lots of great restaurants and shopping. I had three pairs of pants and a sports coat tailor-made here. I felt like such a big shot. I greased his palm with a 100. The commoners stared in awe.

Yesterday, we went hiking, rafting, and elephant riding. The first two activities were fun, although the rafting was a bit cold. Elephant riding, however, took a few years of life from me. Not only was it a circus atmosphere with the “trainers” beating the animals and throwing rocks at them, but it also felt quite dangerous. Our elephant had a mental problem, we believe, considering that he kept banging his head into the wall and that he tried to walk off a cliff with us attached. Unpleasant. He was experiencing, as Kierkegaard calls it, the “sense of dread.” He was steering his life into the freedom that death brings. I sympathize with this animal, I really do, but I do not want to be perched on him while he is caught in this existential dilemma.

Our friends thought it was great fun, along with a group of Brits who acted like high school boys. They were in awe at the feces dropping from the elephant, and couldn’t seem to enjoy anything else. These were the same boys snapping photos of one of their mates using the outhouse. I suppose it was a circus in more than one way. It was like being in an episode of The Osbournes, only much less interesting.

The books warned about these touristy elephant camps, but we didn’t listen. I mean, who doesn’t want to ride an elephant?

Even Old New York Was Once New Amsterdam

Fun Fact! Thailand was called Siam until 1939. Being here makes me want to watch Anna and the King, except for the fact that Jodie Foster is in it. I know I could rent The King and I, but doesn’t Yul Brenner sing in that?

Chang Mai

I still don’t know how to spell it. Forgive me.

We are here with Kim and Susan, teachers from Osan. Also, Ajay and Anish met us here as well. I told many of you before about Ajay; he was a student in my class during my student teaching year at Mansfield, Massachusetts, in 1999. Ajay and Anish, his brother, stayed with us in Korea for a week before Thanksgiving, then came to Thailand. We are hanging around with them in Chang Mai until Sunday morning.

Bed

Last night, we had supper in bed.

There’s a restaurant here called Bed, which the guidebook boasts that it is the coolest place to eat in Bangkok. Being the cool guy that I am (let me have this moment), I wanted to go.

We arrived at 7:30 for drinks in the bar; the restaurant doesn’t open until 8:00. Why is it that the cooler you are, the later you eat? Just for the record, Kristie and I usually eat at 4:15 pm sharp. At the appropriate time, we were escorted to our “table” by a guy with a plain, white t-shirt with the phrase “Creativity Makes Me Horny.” The tables were two long, white-sheeted beds spanning the length of the restaurant. We took our shoes off and climbed in. There is a small table only big enough for drinks and a candle. A DJ stood in the middle of the place with his Powerbook for a turntable. He had his earphones on only one ear, the way they do in those fancy New York clubs, and his head bobbed with the electronic smooth booms. Scantily-clad stiletto-heeled Thai women pranced around with drinks and menus. Bed has two floors of dining, and these off-balanced waitresses climbed stairs (and ladders!) with great ease.

The menu was set, with a couple of choices. We all had the tuna for an appetizer, and a tomato-mozzarella-balsamic-vinegar salad. I had the King Crab penne, and Kristie had the salmon. The white waitresses handed us the food and we ate on our laps, the way our moms served us when we were pretending to be sick to stay home from school. After the meal, we had a lemon cheesecake.

During the meal, a magician came around doing tricks. He spoke English OK (magic-english, if you will: “Is this your card? and “Close your hand with this coin”). He was amused at his own tricks, and, after making two sponge rabbits turn into an entire family of rabbits (is a trick on fornicating bunnies appropriate for dinner?), he laughed and told us this was “Very magic.” I tried to show him a trick or two of my own, but no one offered me a magical job. He handed me his card, perhaps offering to bring me under his tutelage.

We paid the bill (over $40 each) around 10 pm. By then, the REALLY cool people were coming in and the music was even louder. Customers were drinking drinks in martini glasses and shot glasses, and Thievery Corporation was even a bit too loud for me, even though I have them on my iPod in heavy rotation. We walked out of the space ship down the curved, steep stairs. I almost tripped, and I wasn’t even wearing my heels.

www.bedsupperclub.com

One Night in Bangkok

The alarm rang at 3:45 am on Saturday morning. We got out of bed, did the last-minute packing, and boarded the 5:45 am bus to Inchon Airport. Our plane left for Bangkok, Thailand, at 10:50 am. We had an unexpected layover in Hong Kong, and checked into the Marriot at 9:00 pm. It was a long day filled with airplane food and sermons on how to buckle my seat belt.

It’s 8:30 am on Sunday, and I’m listening to Elliot Smith and typing this poolside. We ate sandwiches and pastries for breakfast, and Kristie then went for a swim. A family walked by and stared at my Mac, either with lust or derision. I’m going with lust.

We’ll stay in Bangkok until Tuesday, then go north to Chaing Mai, then on Christmas, we’ll fly down to the island of Koa Samui. Katrina, Kristie’s sister, will meet us there.

I’ll update with pictures as wi-fi permits.

Countdown

It is cold here in Korea. This is this-is-why-I-left-New-England cold. Isn’t the phrase “cold as hell” a misnomer? Why do we want to say this?

Four more days of school until our Thailand trip. We are leaving on Saturday morning for Bangkok, then Chaing Mai, then to the beaches on Koh Sumui. We return to Korea on New Year’s Day.

I checked; there is a Starbucks at each of these places.

What Sean Had for Lunch

Sean at school offered the most unique reason why he didn’t have his essay for class. The seventeen-year-old explained that his paper was on his portable flash drive, but he got sick and threw up on it. The vomit, he went on to say, messed up the drive and he could no longer access his files. He said that he even took it to a Korean computer fix-it shop, but even they—those who supposedly work wonders with puke-soaked electronics—could not retrieve the needed paper.

It reminds me of a bit of writing advice from Ray Bradbury, the author of Fahrenheit 451. “Throw up on your typewriter in the morning; clean it up in the afternoon.” I wonder if this is what Sean had in mind. Someone forgot to tell him that Ray meant this figuratively.

I gave him an extension mainly because I was amused. I excused myself from class, went to the staff bathroom, and washed my hands. Twice.

Narnia

The Chronicles of Narnia was released today in the States. I am eager to see it, but it only plays on base while we are in Thailand. Figures.

It’s Aslan’s namesake; the least they could do is show it this week so our dog can watch it and understand her roots.