Sly's Back

Sylvester Stallone has just announced plans to return to his role as John Rambo in Rambo IV. You probably already heard last month's press release about Sly becoming Rocky Balboa again (sans Adrian) in Rocky VI. With any luck, maybe he'll also become yet another one of his beloved characters, Lincoln Hawk from Over the Top. I believe that the world of truck driving-arm wrestling still has a lot of room to explore in a sequel.

Courageous Channel

One of the downsides of working among a military community is that we sometimes have to play those military games. No, Kristie is not forced to wear an olive-drab uniform while twirling a machine gun synchronistically with tank commanders and infantrymen. Rather, we have to take part in a peninsula-wide exercise to prepare us to be evacuated in case of an attack of North Korea or a natural disaster. If there is an attack, they will start the processing and send us teachers, spouses, children, etc. to either Japan or Hawaii to be averted from danger.

Like everything else in Military Land, the exercise is labeled with an acronym. NEO stands for Noncombatant Evacuation Operation. I’m not sure which is more disturbing, the fact of an attack from the north, or that I’m now labeled as a noncombatant. I can wield a weapon just as good as the next guy. I juggle knives, you know.

We do this twice a year, in October and April. This one is called Courageous Channel, which is a bit of a misnomer. Evacuating when trouble comes seems to be the exact opposite of courageous. Perhaps they call it that to avoid making us pathetic, not-up-to-snuff-for-fighting-the-communists teachers feel lower than the airmen. That’s mighty considerate.

The entire exercise took about an hour. When I see Kim Jung Il, I’m going to tell him how he has inconvenienced me.

Sax Education

The weather after school is still pleasant enough for me to sit outside on my patio to relax for a few minutes. It won't be for long, so I make an effort to come out here each day to sit and stare at our neighbor’s bug-infested tree while I try to purge myself from the day. It will grow cold in a few weeks; in fact, today I have to wear a jacket. I usually make some tea, put on some music on the iPod, and relax. Ron Time, if you will.

Today’s selection is John Coltrane’s Giant Steps. However, Coltrane’s smooth sax is competing with our next-building-over neighbor’s saxophone. Yes, there is a Korean man (or woman, who knows) that practices while I’m out here. Kristie says that he plays all day as well. And all that practicing isn’t doing too much to make him any better, believe me. So here I am, with Coltrane in one ear and the Korean man in the other. Quite the juxtaposition. I’m not sure which is worse, his playing alone or his defiling John Coltrane’s playing. Either way, it’s frustrating.

I can’t help but look at this as a metaphor for my classroom. I teach a 9th grade integrated Honors class this year, along with 11th grade English and US History. The freshman class is World History and World Literature combined into one class that spans two periods. Three hours with the same students. Try that one on for size, Hondo. I have taught 9th grade Honors before this year, and it is one of the most frustrating because it is usually the first honors-level class that these students take. To get in to the class requires nothing more than wanting to get in. Grades, teacher recommendations, parent signature, etc., have no bearing on who gets to sign up for this class. Overall, I like that. If a student wants to take a challenging class, he should. However…

The skill and –oh, let’s just say it– intelligence varies greatly among these 29 students. On one side are those students who force me to read and prepare because they are sharp and interested. One the other side, there are those who have a difficult time finding Korea on a map. Yet there they are, all staring at me, waiting for instruction (except for those cartographically challenged…they are staring out the window humming the Rugrats theme song). Sometimes it feels like one side is ruining the other, much like the amateur saxophonist is doing to Coltrane, and I am in the company of both.

I’m sure the neighbor sax man doesn’t want to squeak out the notes, and he probably wishes he could play more like Coltrane. Perhaps he listens to him for inspiration as he attempts to improve his craft. He has probably heard many times that his playing stinks and that he should simply watch TV or take up the air guitar. But he still practices every day. Those little freshman that I told you about have perfect attendance, even those who are earning C’s and D’s in class. Those non-Coltranes, both in the next building and in my class, know how far away from Coltrane they sound. They know that more than I do because they are the ones who listen to themselves every lesson. They have listened to the harangues of critics and felt the sarcastic comments from instructors. But, they come each day for another go-around. Perhaps this practice session will turn one of the honks or screeches into that note that were aiming for.

I stopped typing for a moment and listened to the sounds blur together again. Sure, it’s still terrible, but I think he is getting better.

Class Animals

The school nurse sent out an email today asking for a list of any animals that teachers have in the room. Of course, this means class pets (hamsters, fish, etc.). Of course, we teachers had other things in mind. Less than thirty minutes later, she had to send out another email addressing all the jokes that came in to her in that time asking for "cages for the 25 animals in the room."

I guess I wasn't the only one who thought of that one.

Changes

My birthday was yesterday; I'm now 36 years old. I'm thinking about growing a mustache.

Bopping to the DMZ

I passed a radio in the supply room at school today. It was in Korean, but I recognized the rhythm. It was "She Bop" by Cyndi Lauper. Korean techno-style. I couldn't understand the words since it was all in Korean. One can only wonder how "She Bop" translates into Korean. These are the moments that shock me into remembering that I'm in another country. Perhaps another world. I returned to my classroom humming the Lauper hit. If they can do this, I wonder what the disco crowd could do with "Total Eclipse of the Heart." Something funky, I'm sure.

Seoul now has 104 Starbucks. Up from 97 two weeks ago. Up from 57 last year when we arrived.

Kristie and I went to North Korean last Saturday, sort of. We traveled to the DMZ, the two-mile stretch that separates the two countries. On the west border is the Joint Security Area, a small plot of land for both sides to meet and negotiate. Here, both sides post armed soldiers to "keep the peace." We had to sign a waiver acknowledging our understanding that it is a hostile military area, and that we could be involved in a incident that could lead to injury or even death. We also quickly signed it because we wanted our picture with the guard. What fools... One of the houses has the dividing line through the middle, so Kristie and I went to that side. Not much different.

It was a strange experience, visiting the intersection of two opposing countries. Kristie tried to egg on the two sets of guards to fight, but it didn't work.

See all the DMZ pictures at http://www.flickr.com/photos/34261721@N00/sets/1156630/

Nine Words That Almost Rhyme with Korea

9. Diarrhea

8. Careen

7. Farina

6. Corey Hart

5. Creamier

4. Greener

3. Cornea

2. Corina

1. Coia

I'm Tired of Lost

I am sick of Lost.

I know that I am perhaps one of the few still-breathing television watchers who would make such a blasphemous claim on this much-heralded show. Even now, there are diehards who will quickly post complaints on www.matthewfoxisafox.com or www.iwishjohnlockewasmydad.com to elicit shame and scorn my way for writing such a sentiment.

I was in Korea when the show aired in the States. Since I’m a regular reader of Entertainment Weekly, however, I feel like I know the premise and the annoying hoopla of the program. EW seems to have a twisted love affair, more disturbing that Shannon’s and Boone’s, with that show, complete with multi-paged spreads of the men standing in a faux ocean dripping water and testosterone. I read about the hatch, the lottery numbers, the comic book, the ability to walk again, etc. Friends back home talked about it with great awe and reverence, waiting for the new episode to tell who is bad or good, where the other survivors are, or when Claire’s baby will arrive. I even knew about Boone’s death. That was another article in EW. Unlike The Village, knowing the secrets made me want to see the show more. When the season was released on DVD, I tried in vain to rent it (the small rental store had ample copies of discs 3, 4, and 7 only), until I plopped down forty bucks to buy the set. Keep in mind that I only buy three shows: Seinfeld, Scrubs, and Arrested Development. Lost should be grateful it is in such genius.

Thus far, we’ve watched 20 out of 24 of the episodes. It started interesting and novel, but by episode 10, I lost sympathy. I couldn’t take the dull, slow episodes laced with cheesy dialogue that 9th grade girls write when I give them an assignment. Perhaps it is watching two or three at a time daily without commercials ruined it. I see it all too much for what it really is. There is no processing time to spread out the flaws. Rather, they are all there in 40-minute blocks piggybacked by another, then by another. Perhaps that week in-between does something to you to make you only remember the nice parts, kind of the way we do when we think we like a song heard sporadically on the radio. When we actually listen to it, we see that it is foolishness.

I’m tired of Kate– looking as if she just stepped out of a jungle shower after gently shampooing with herbs and berries and dressed in a new outfit which is a bit smaller than she is– popping up randomly to plead with Jack to help Sawyer.

I’m tired of the talk of the hatch. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t care. I’m tired of belabored camera shots and explanations to show the island’s magic. Hurley’s lottery numbers are the same ones on the hatch? Whoopee. I’m tired of Michael and Jin yelling. Am I the only one who could see the future and see that they would become unlikely friends in an upcoming episode? In one of the later episodes, Jin comes with an armful of supplies to give to Michael. “Boat,” Jin says in fractured English. Oh please. Save it for the Hallmark channel.

Of course, the most flat and dull character is Jack himself. Tortured to do the right thing in every situation while combating daddy issues, Jack makes for predictable and dull television. If I played drinking games, I’d play one where “Jack” was the drinking word. You’d down a healthy dose before the first commercial break advertising a new Lexus.

Sawyer, the bad-boy-meets-the-hurt-child-inside character, is not much better. Let me guess, he’ll have a supply that the gang needs, Jack will argue with him, Sawyer will lie, Kate will say, “I’ll get it,” Kate and Sawyer will talk, Sawyer will make a joke about Jack, he’ll call her “Freckles,” then he will give the needed item. There’s your episode.

I’m sure I’ll watch the remaining episodes, perhaps even tonight, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to like it. No matter what happens on this island, I can be sure of one thing: I’m not going to care. The comparisons to (and references to) Lord of the Flies are wrong. It would be giving Lost too much credit. Look at it as if it were a dramatic version of Gilligan’s Island. It would be difficult to take it seriously.

I feel that John Locke would wholeheartedly agree with me.

Seoul Museum Trip 10/1/05

Seoul Museum Trip 10/1/05, originally uploaded by roncoia.

Yesterday, Kristie and I went to Seoul with a couple of the new folks here at Osan. We went to a fortress in the middle of the city, then to a painting exhibit called, "The Exquisite Beauty in Suffering." It wasn't as exciting as the name implies.

After that, we went to Outback Steakhouse (authentic Korean...), Starbucks, then to Rodin's gallery.

Then, we went to a photo exhibit titled, "Our Mutual Crossing." An Australian photographer came to Seoul, and a Korean went to Melbourne to photograph. This was the collection. It was an excellent show. I wish I could show some of them.

We came home and watched Peppermint Candy, the first Korean movie I have seen. It played at the Portland Film Festival in 2002.

Here's the link to the photo gallery of yesterday: http://www.flickr.com/photos/34261721@N00/sets/1053053/.