I'm Tired of Lost

I am sick of Lost.

I know that I am perhaps one of the few still-breathing television watchers who would make such a blasphemous claim on this much-heralded show. Even now, there are diehards who will quickly post complaints on www.matthewfoxisafox.com or www.iwishjohnlockewasmydad.com to elicit shame and scorn my way for writing such a sentiment.

I was in Korea when the show aired in the States. Since I’m a regular reader of Entertainment Weekly, however, I feel like I know the premise and the annoying hoopla of the program. EW seems to have a twisted love affair, more disturbing that Shannon’s and Boone’s, with that show, complete with multi-paged spreads of the men standing in a faux ocean dripping water and testosterone. I read about the hatch, the lottery numbers, the comic book, the ability to walk again, etc. Friends back home talked about it with great awe and reverence, waiting for the new episode to tell who is bad or good, where the other survivors are, or when Claire’s baby will arrive. I even knew about Boone’s death. That was another article in EW. Unlike The Village, knowing the secrets made me want to see the show more. When the season was released on DVD, I tried in vain to rent it (the small rental store had ample copies of discs 3, 4, and 7 only), until I plopped down forty bucks to buy the set. Keep in mind that I only buy three shows: Seinfeld, Scrubs, and Arrested Development. Lost should be grateful it is in such genius.

Thus far, we’ve watched 20 out of 24 of the episodes. It started interesting and novel, but by episode 10, I lost sympathy. I couldn’t take the dull, slow episodes laced with cheesy dialogue that 9th grade girls write when I give them an assignment. Perhaps it is watching two or three at a time daily without commercials ruined it. I see it all too much for what it really is. There is no processing time to spread out the flaws. Rather, they are all there in 40-minute blocks piggybacked by another, then by another. Perhaps that week in-between does something to you to make you only remember the nice parts, kind of the way we do when we think we like a song heard sporadically on the radio. When we actually listen to it, we see that it is foolishness.

I’m tired of Kate– looking as if she just stepped out of a jungle shower after gently shampooing with herbs and berries and dressed in a new outfit which is a bit smaller than she is– popping up randomly to plead with Jack to help Sawyer.

I’m tired of the talk of the hatch. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t care. I’m tired of belabored camera shots and explanations to show the island’s magic. Hurley’s lottery numbers are the same ones on the hatch? Whoopee. I’m tired of Michael and Jin yelling. Am I the only one who could see the future and see that they would become unlikely friends in an upcoming episode? In one of the later episodes, Jin comes with an armful of supplies to give to Michael. “Boat,” Jin says in fractured English. Oh please. Save it for the Hallmark channel.

Of course, the most flat and dull character is Jack himself. Tortured to do the right thing in every situation while combating daddy issues, Jack makes for predictable and dull television. If I played drinking games, I’d play one where “Jack” was the drinking word. You’d down a healthy dose before the first commercial break advertising a new Lexus.

Sawyer, the bad-boy-meets-the-hurt-child-inside character, is not much better. Let me guess, he’ll have a supply that the gang needs, Jack will argue with him, Sawyer will lie, Kate will say, “I’ll get it,” Kate and Sawyer will talk, Sawyer will make a joke about Jack, he’ll call her “Freckles,” then he will give the needed item. There’s your episode.

I’m sure I’ll watch the remaining episodes, perhaps even tonight, but that doesn’t mean that I’m going to like it. No matter what happens on this island, I can be sure of one thing: I’m not going to care. The comparisons to (and references to) Lord of the Flies are wrong. It would be giving Lost too much credit. Look at it as if it were a dramatic version of Gilligan’s Island. It would be difficult to take it seriously.

I feel that John Locke would wholeheartedly agree with me.